One week away. One house that was slightly cleaner for about 2 minutes. One mom with a bad cold, one child just now getting over the flu, one child just now coming down with it. Countless times running up and down the stairs responding to cries of “Moooom!” “Can you tuck me?” “I have to go potty!” “Where’s my Corey (toy walrus)?” “The TV show is over.” “Uh-nothing.” Not exactly the week I was picturing. And yet it has been an oddly restful week, maybe because for one week I let myself reset my expectations of myself. Rest instead of overload.
It has been good to restore some balance to my life. Good for me and good for my family. Life moves along so much more smoothly when things are in balance, even when chaos strikes, even when kids are sick. I don’t know why I always wait until I feel as if I’m moving into crisis mode to work on restoring balance. Probably for the same reason so many (myself included) wait until we are moving into crisis mode before we think, “Hmm, maybe I should pray.”
We’re starting a new women’s Bible study at church, No Other Gods by Kelly Minter. Only a few days into it and already I can see that I’m going to be challenged, humbled and hopefully changed by this study. I may post some of my thoughts on it as I delve into it a little more deeply. It isn’t an easy thing to say “OK, I’m going to open up my life and start REALLY examining the little idols that I’ve set up.” Because examining them means I might actually have to give them up and, well, what if I find out that chocolate is one of my idols? Sadly, I can already say that in many ways the amount of time I spend on the internet has turned it into a pretty big idol. As one of the women in our group said, “If you have a hard time giving something up that’s a pretty good indication that it is an idol.” Or at least she said something like that and it was profound.
Am I going to disconnect the high-speed cable and go completely off-line? No. But as I hit my one year anniversary of blogging I have to ask myself, “Is the investment worth it?” Is the time I spend on each post worth the payoff? And the answer is “I don’t know. I may never know. And that’s ok.” I will never know who may stumble across my blog and read something that plants a seed. I can’t measure in subscription numbers the amount of impact I have on lives any more than you can measure the impact of a sermon by how many people showed up in church that day. For now I remain convinced that this is part of the ministry I am supposed to be doing.
Having said that, my ministry to my family is equally important. So I am releasing myself from the pressure of telling myself that I should be posting x number of times a week. And you may see a few lighter posts woven in here and there, because some days I just don’t want to take myself so seriously. You may even see me trying to delve into some of the deeper issues as I try to look at the world around me through eyes that want to see and understand with the lens of grace firmly in place. It’s my hope that you will see yourself and some of your issues and some of your questions reflected here. If last year was the year of letting grace be unbound in my life, this seems to be shaping up to be the year in which grace starts to spread its wings and fly…or at least do that little baby bird shuffle-hop as I try to get off the ground.
I hope you stick around!